When Everyone Else Seems To Be Winning: What To Do When You Feel Left Out
You're standing at a crossroads with no idea which way to go. Both paths lead into fog, and staying put isn't an option.
This is actually a very old feeling, one that shows up in the Bible over and over again. Genesis 36 might seem, at first, like a long list of people with strange names, but hidden inside it is a reminder about comparison, purpose, and returning to what matters most in your own story.
What Genesis 36 Actually Says
Let’s look at the start of the chapter:
“Now this is the history of the generations of Esau (that is, Edom). Esau took his wives from the daughters of Canaan…” (Genesis 36:1-2 WEB)
Then, for the next many lines, the story lists family trees:
“These are the sons of Esau: Eliphaz the son of Adah… Reuel the son of Basemath…” (Genesis 36:4 WEB)
A little later, it lists tribes, chiefs, and kings—children, grandchildren, even places they lived:
“These are the chiefs that came of the sons of Esau: the sons of Eliphaz the firstborn of Esau… These are the chiefs that came of Eliphaz…” (Genesis 36:15-16 WEB)
If you’re reading quickly, it can seem like just a dry family record. But there are clues here that this is about more than “who’s who.” Why do stories like this get so much space, and what does it mean for us now?
The Inner Meaning: When Your Awareness Gets Lost in Comparison
Every person listed in Genesis 36 is a real character, but the story is not just about someone else’s family—it’s about all the feelings and thoughts that show up inside you as you try to find your place in the world.
Have you noticed, in real life, when you start comparing yourself to others, it’s easy to feel left out? You might ask:
- “Why does that person’s business take off so quickly?”
- “How come their family seems stronger, or happier, or moved into a nicer home?”
- “Am I missing something in the way I live my life?”
This is the world of Esau—a state of mind that cares a lot about “what do I own, who do I know, how big is my group, or what have I built?” Esau in the Bible is the part of you that lives outside the deeper promise, chasing something shiny because you want to feel you belong or matter.
Esau and Jacob: The Two Paths Inside YOU
Long before, Esau gave up his birthright (his special place in the story) for a quick meal. He wanted to satisfy hunger right now, instead of waiting for what was truly his. His brother Jacob, on the other hand, was willing to wait for the deeper promise, the lasting blessing.
This chapter updates us on what happened to Esau—he became powerful in his own way. He has lands, chiefs, tribes. His children form a huge network. But what’s missing here? What’s not talked about in all these lists? There are no dreams, no adventures with God, no moments where Esau’s family checks in with what truly matters inside.
This is important: The lists in Genesis 36 show the outside record—who owns what, who leads which tribe, where everyone lives. But it’s all on the surface, like scrolling through a feed of highlight reels with no idea about the struggles or the state of mind behind them.
Comparison vs. Purpose: Lessons for Life and Work
Let’s think about this in everyday terms. Imagine you’re building a business. You keep seeing others hit big numbers, expand to new cities, release products faster, hire more people. You start to wonder: Am I behind? Did I miss my chance?
Or maybe you’re an artist, and your friends are getting more “likes” or awards. You feel left out or feel like maybe your work doesn’t matter.
That feeling is what happened to Esau—investing in everything around you, collecting achievements, but forgetting to check in with your deeper purpose.
This chapter asks: Are all the “lists” you keep—followers, sales, awards, friends—really feeding what matters inside?
What would change if, instead of just tallying your outer wins, you spent time nurturing your inner connection, your awareness of what truly gives your life meaning?
Pop Culture Reference: the friend who's always the bridesmaid’s Career
This might remind you of someone like the friend who's always the bridesmaid, the football player known for his strong values and faith. Tebow had big dreams to play quarterback in the NFL. He won the Heisman Trophy and experienced early success. But after a few seasons, he faced setbacks, got traded, and didn’t become the long-term star many expected. A lot of other players had more awards, stats, and big contracts. Some people focused just on his stats. But Tebow always talked—and still talks—about how his true value came from what he believed inside and how he helped others, not just from wins and losses.
Like Esau, a person can build a big network, have impressive “lists,” or make headlines. But if it’s only about the outer numbers, you might miss the quiet, strong sense of calling that keeps you grounded, even when the world measures value differently.
Reading the Family List—What Does It Mean for Your Mind Today?
How do all these sons, chiefs, kings, and places relate to your inner experience? Every name is a state of mind or a feeling you move through when you focus mainly on what’s outside, not on what matters most:
- Chiefs and Sons: Parts of you that want to compete or be “best”—sometimes driven by insecurity.
- Lands and Kingdoms: All the areas of life (school, work, sports, business) where you want to stand out, but could lose touch with your real dreams and inner peace.
- Lists of Names: The way our mind keeps score: grades, likes, money, or approval. These aren’t wrong, but they can distract from your deeper awareness and calling if you only chase the outside.
This is what happens when our awareness—our “I am” sense—gets narrow and only pays attention to comparison, not to our unique gifts and inner connection.
What Do You Desire, Beyond the List?
Genesis 36 ends with kings and chiefs ruling over Edom before Israel has a king. Edom (Esau’s whole clan) gets the “first move” in the world, but not the first place in the most important story. It’s a gentle reminder:
“These are the chiefs of Edom, according to their settlements in the land of their possession. This is Esau, the father of the Edomites.” (Genesis 36:43 WEB)
Sometimes, it looks like others go first, get their reward early, or gather more. But if you keep your awareness open, stay true to your purpose, and trust the timing of your inner journey, you end up finding what’s meant for you—something not shown in lists or numbers.
*What have you been comparing lately? Are you measuring yourself by someone else’s list, or by your own connection, creativity, and meaning?*
Ways to Come Back to What Matters (Even When You Feel Left Out)
Whenever you feel “outside the promise”—like Esau, or like all the good stuff happens to someone else—try this simple practice:
- Pause. Take one full, deep breath. Let your awareness rest on what’s true for you right now.
- Think of one thing you’ve done, made, or kept going that isn’t on anyone’s “list,” but feels strong or good inside. (Did you encourage someone? Make something creative? Keep a promise to yourself?)
- Ask yourself: *If I stopped comparing, what would I enjoy or create today, just for me and my purpose?*
- Decide to celebrate that small, real win—even if nobody else notices. This is how you keep your energy with what lasts.
Next Steps: What’s Coming in Genesis 37
Genesis 37 is where the story zeroes back in on Joseph—a dreamer who doesn’t always fit in, but learns how to trust those dreams, even when it gets hard. If you’ve ever had a dream that others didn’t understand, or felt left out because your journey looks different, the next chapter will be for you.
But for now, remember: You don’t have to live only in someone else’s list. Your awareness, decisions, and what you create from inside—that’s what makes your life an adventure. Each chapter is a new chance to return to purpose, even when the world seems focused on comparison.
Simple Exercise for Today
Right now, write down one thing you like about yourself that no one else can take away, and one project or goal you care about for your own reasons—not because someone else is doing it. Put that note somewhere you’ll see it in the next 24 hours. This is your way of staying true, no matter what “lists” you see around you.
